These past few months I became an emotional wreck.I don't know how it happened because
I was never an overly emotional person and people rarely saw me cry.
Even my mom said it's weird because I didn't cry when I scrapped the skin of my legs when I feel from my bike or while she was beating the hell out of me when I did something wrong.Yes I was slapped and spanked as a kid.It was all for education purposes.Can't imagine how would I turn out otherwise.
To sum up,nobody dear died, I don't have problems in the love department (Tom Hiddleston started dating Elizabeth Olsen
but I'm so over it), money is tight as always but I'm used to it.So nothing big happened to trigger this state. I've been living like this for as long as I could remember.
Maybe it is stress or unreasonable demands and talk I get from people.Maybe I'm just sick of this entire "it will get better" shit.It is not getting better.This whole country is in the pile of shit and it is sinking deeper.But I'm kind of in a shithole of my own right now.
I see Syrian refugees on TV and I start crying.A guy I know won a green ticket in a USA lottery and he moved to USA.That made me cry.My cousin got a scholarship to study in a foreign country so I cried.I watched a cat massaging a dog so I cried. Somebody dies in an anime and I cry my eyes out.I see that poor pensioners on the street and my eyes get teary.I'm applying for a master's course and I'm crying while filling out the application.Somebody says "Hi,how are you" and I burst into tears.
So I'm not in the right state of mind and my emotions are a tangled mess and nothing makes sense. Before you jump to conclusion, I have to tell you that it is not that time of the month. Right now I'm in my 27th summer/autumn so maybe some hormones and shit are kicking in and soon I will want to get married and have a brood of screaming kids.Dear God, please do not let that be a case with me.
Maybe, the fact that things don't really go as I planned is finally sinking in.I became so fed up with everything that now my body is expressing it in it's own unique way.I don't know how your country works, but in mine,you haven't even started doing something and you already have billion obstacles in your way.When you actually start, that number triples.
Anyway,had to lighten my soul here.It helped a little.
Now,back to reality.I wanted to call out God's name for help and guidance
but then I remembered, I don't really believe in God anymore.Old habits die hard.